#am i projecting cuz i don't have a good relationship with my mother and desperately wish i did

[brandwhorestarscream]

Cybermorph au( Armada)

What if we change the "dead" to "badly injured"? I saw some fans do this

The result would still be Megatron having a reality check with what happened

I'm sad and cranky rn so I'm taking it out on Starscream

I don't remember all the exact details of his death but I do know he's generally hailed as a martyr. Sacrificed himself for the greater good and all that. I'm gonna twist it juuust a bit: he has every intention to die and not just because he thinks it's a necessity. That is part of it, yes, but I like to imagine all the countless years of utter-indifference-to-downright-cruelty from Megatron has made it so he just... doesn't want to be alive anymore. He's a nuisance, an unwanted mistake: he's never done anything to help his hive and his carrier doesn't seem to love him at all. He's tolerated only because their species is already critically endangered. He's a bad morph. He's cripplingly lonely and sad. Cybermorphs are social creatures that need bonds to be healthy, and Starscream just. Doesn't have it. His mental state has spiralled out of control and has finally manifested in the ultimate amalgamation of self loathing and isolation: suicidal ideation.

He's eager--no, desperate--for the pain to finally end. And deep down, more than anything, he hopes dying to save everyone will finally, finally, earn him his carrier's pride and maybe some of his love. It's all he wants. All he's ever wanted.

He's gotten really good at filtering out his own thoughts from the hivemind over the years. Doesn't want to burden them with his angst. But as he's about to throw himself into the metaphorical fire, his filters crack and then dissolve all together: he wants them to know they won't have to tolerate him anymore, and that he's doing it for them. For him. He truly, genuinely hopes this will make his carrier happy.

Megatron suddenly freezes during his final stand off with Optimus. Prime manages to get a hit in and sends him skidding back, but notices the cybermorph queen isn't really looking at him anymore. His face has gone slack, optics wide and horrified, then he promptly turns on a dime and takes off like a bat out of hell, bellowing Starscream's name.

It's too late, though. He can't stop his foolish little morphling even with his most powerful and desperate command as the queen.

He arrives just in time to see him drop, collapsing limp and charred and terrifyingly still, his presnece from the hivemind gone and sparkpulse so faint he seems doomed to blip out before Megatron can even get his hands on him. I'm headcannoning this scene to be similar to the frozen river in Wolf Children--desperate and regretful mother shaking him, hysterical and panicking, begging him to wake up and open his optics. Megatron's lost morphlings before, so, so many before, but not like this. Never like this. They all died at the hands of the autobots, be it in battle or during the early war nest raids. This is new, this is fresh, a special kind of grief and terror he's never been subjected to before. His very last morphling just tried to kill himself. He's shocked. He's horrified. He doesn't know what to do.

Through the power of fanfic and extremely resilient cybermorphs bodies, Starscream survives, but barely. He's in a coma for several decacycles after the fact. There's extensive bodywork to put him back together and stabilize him, but he's still in critical condition. While he's unconscious, he doesn't dream. He doesn't hear anything of the outside world. There's no sensation, no feeling, no nothing. Just the abyss.

When he finally reawakens, he's very disoriented. So stiff he can't even bend his fingers at first, optics open a single micrometer and flinching against even the low light of his recovery chamber. Everything hurts. Everything. Ventilating hurts. Blinking hurts. Trying to turn his neck to look around hurts. Tears bubble up in his optics and he starts very softly sobbing, in agony and disappointed in himself all at once.

What will the queen say? He's going to be in so much trouble. How can he be such a failure that he can't even die properly?! Did they win? Are they safe? He doesn't remember, he doesn't know-

Anxiety and panic bloom in his chassis and he's about 2 seconds away from a whole ass nervous breakdown in his hospital bed.

Then, suddenly, the door opens

His helm jerks to the side to look and white hot pain flares throughout his entire body, lacing down his main spinal strut and setting fire to every single nerve ending and sensory diode in his body. It's too much and he's helpless to stop himself from crying harder, especially when he sees who's just arrived.

The cybermorph queen himself has arrived and Starscream flinches back, trying so hard to cower away from him but his body won't move the way he wants it to, he's so stiff and it hurts so bad and oh stars Megatron's going to kill him for this-

He's expecting a lot of things. For his carrier to yell at him. To ream him the worst he's ever experienced. To be banished from the hive for being so reckless and stupid, or to just be eaten for his transgression. The cybermorphs have never been cannibalistic before, but he wouldn't be surprised if that was deemed a fitting punishment for royally screwing up as much as he has. He's expecting to be ridiculed, hated, screamed at.

He's expecting anything, honestly, aside from what happens. He is in no way shape or form expecting his carrier to cross the room in a single second and throw all 4 arms around him (I uh. Recently found out xenomorph queens have 4 arms. Didn't notice that until 2 days ago. Whoops)

Starscream gasps, shock pulsing through his entire body. He's never been held like this before, never been held at all: his secondary arms are both grasping at his shoulders, holding him close. Main arms have one wrapped around his back, the other cradling his helm and tucking his face close against the queen's chassis.

He's trilling, chirping, blubbering in cybermorph speak. My Starscream, my little morph, I'm so sorry, forgive your foolish carrier for not realizing how you felt. I'm so glad you're alright, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, but you're safe now. You're ok.

The first time he's ever been held by his carrier. The first time he's ever been spoken to so gently. The first time he's ever been told that he is loved. He doesn't have it in him to be angry, or to feel betrayed: he's so exhausted and in so much agonizing pain, all he can do is melt into the warm embrace and cry. It's the sort of crying wherein every sound is visceral, wet and painful, pouring out every bit of loneliness and devestation and every horrible thing he's had to endure over the years. He clings on, desperately, to Megatron's frame, begging him to say it again. To swear it to be true, that it's really over, that he's never going to have to feel like this again. The queen promises it easily, and holds him tight enough to dent the entire time. Purring at his last remaining morphling, swearing to protect and properly love him forever going forward. Maybe Starscream's connection to the emotional hivemind was weak, maybe it had grown numb in war, but he'd never been privvy to these feelings before. Megatron blames himself and vows to never, ever allow these mistakes to repeat.

...

I'm gonna cut this here cuz it's getting long and I'm tired. This may be exceptionally ooc but I really can't be hecked to care. If you want a follow up of this, uhhh just ask. If you have more thoughts, send em. Im going back to bed lmfao